The Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Special is the Worst Tradition

As we all prepare to indulge ourselves in an endless helping of food tomorrow, we also have to prepare ourselves for Thanksgiving traditions. For some, that may include a game of touch football between all the relatives, maybe some of you (heathens) put up your Christmas decorations before eating your Thanksgiving meal. Not all traditions are great, though. Some can be boring, uninteresting, or if you have the same conservative relatives as me, awkwardly political. However, I'd rather listen to my ill-informed aunt discuss refugees than partake in one horrible tradition: The Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Special.

I. Hate. It. It lacks the fun of the Great Pumpkin in the Halloween special and it lacks the charm and humor of the Christmas special. The Thanksgiving special simply just kinda...exists? The writing process was most likely "We need to Charlie Brown the crap out of every holiday. We've got Christmas and Halloween, what else could kids want? BAM, Thanksgiving!"

The premise is Charlie Brown is tasked with preparing Thanksgiving for Peppermint Patty. However, because shennanigans, Patty invites all the kids in the neighborhood over, leaving poor Chuck to have to prepare Thanksgiving for everyone. Charlie Brown isn't a chef. He can't even time a football kick properly. Yet, here he is, being forced to make Thanksgiving because of the tyrant Peppermint Patty.

The only thing this movie does is establish what we already know: Peppermint Patty is the f'ing worst. If you ask everyone on the planet who their favorite Peanuts character is, not one of them would answer Peppermint Patty. And if Peppermint Patty is your favorite character, I assume you are a felon because you don't respect humanity like the rest of us.

The big moral of the movie is to be kind to others and not invite yourself to things. We learn this lesson after Charlie Brown prepares a terrible dinner and gets berated by Patty. Only after her life-partner Marci steps in, does Patty apologize. Luckily, Charlie Brown's grandmother (who apparently made enough food to feed every needy child in the neighborhood) invites everyone over to her house for Thanksgiving and everyone eats happily ever after. A life lesson is taught: if you mess up, your grandparents will bail you out.

I hate this movie with every fiber of my being. But, tradition is tradition. Tomorrow, I will enjoy watching football, enjoy the meal that my family prepares (Peppermint Patty will not be invited to dine with us), and then I will Clockwork Orange my eyes open and force myself to watch A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving for the 29th time. Because tradition is tradition and the holidays are about celebrating with family. Even if they celebrate the slight against humanity known as a Charlie Brown Thanksgving.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!